Making you large and truly in charge

When David Hasselhoff sang "Looking for Freedom", he wasn't talking about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness -- he was talking about goddamn GrubHub, which gives fat bastards like you & the Hoff the freedom to online-order delivery & pickup from hundreds of restaurants. With its Dallas operation now out of beta, the service has expanded mightily, tripling the number of restos (480 total, with 157 in West Village and Uptown alone), and extending their Manute Bol-like reach from FW to Rockwall to Waxahachie.

Thanks to tech updates, now you can search not only by address, but also by city or cuisine (from Sandwiches to Vietnamese), then prioritize results by newness, distance, order minimums & delivery fees, and whether coupons are offered (why stop at lazy when you can also be cheap). Once settled on a spot, simply click items off its e-menu, add any special instructions ("easy on the peppers"; "don't tell my dad I was crying about the peppers"), and pay through GrubHub with your credit card, which they can store or not store depending on whether you thought The Net was a crappy Sandra Bullock movie or a warning that if you save things on computers, Dennis Miller will die.

They're running customer service 24/7, and also just started up a play-by-ordering game offering prizes from a free drink to free food for a year, called Yummy Rummy -- because when Donald Rumsfeld said freedom was messy, he was clearly talking about your apartment after a year's worth of free Burrito Mateos from J. Pepe's.