Victims of crime react very differently: sociable people become shut-ins, refusing to even answer phone calls, while shut-ins become celebrities, refusing to even answer phone calls unless they're from Charlton Heston. For a crime-inspired foodery, sans Tony Martin's booby traps: MeatEasy, opening tomorrow.
Ensconced in a spartan space above a pub, Easy's the new sedentary home for the owner of the Meatwagon food truck -- which was stolen in December, and remains unfound, with the only lead being that the perp was overheard saying "robble robble". Served on sourdough buns w/ triple-cooked chips on the side, the award-winning burgers are made from pure, fresh-ground, 28-day-aged chuck, with styles ranging from the New Mexico-inspired "Bobcat" (cheese steamed directly onto the beef and topped with chilli) to the Bacon, made by shredding a side of ham hock direct into the patty, a shocking display of gluttony that prevents her and Selma from ever getting any Lovejoy. Beyond burgers, there are made-to-order Philly cheesesteaks (w/ sliced 'n seared rib eye smothered in Provolone/American), hot dogs, fried chicken, fish tacos, roast pork belly, beef ribs, and butterflied leg of BBQ lamb, after which you'll enter a dark cocoon, only to emerge bigger
and more beautiful.
They'll also be serving brand new offerings like the LA-inspired, beef jus-soaked French Dip, and the "Garbage Plate", described as "the working man's steak tartare" -- which is perfectly safe to eat, so don't be Fearon your stomach'll be subjected to any pump action.