The Valley's new place you actually want to go to

Grandly opening on Sat in the land of unbearable heat and Bayside Tigers rivals, River Rock Lounge's sorta like an apres-ski bar (w/ food!), housing rock walls, mounted, all-white buffalo heads, and antler chandeliers inside what was once a regular watering hole for old-school stars like Sammy Davis Jr. and Frank Sinatra

You're totally gonna want the whole menu, which's composed of gussied-up classics like Kurobuta pork chop w/ spiced apples & sweet potato puree; pan-roasted, shiitake-and-shrimp-sided black cod prepped in a butter broth w/ soy; and red wine-braised short ribs wrapped in "puff pastry", or the two things Ma$e yells when he wants Sean Combs to toss him a bear claw. They're doing lunchiness too, with a BBQ pulled pork sandwich on Texas toast w/ melted gouda; an actually-great-sounding salad w/ seared scallop, watermelon, and mango; and a burger w/ Vermont cheddar & Maui onions that's topped with "2k" dressing, because, "Y" not

Oh, and they'll have a full bar with craft beer (Fireman's Brunette, Dogfish Midas Touch...) and specialty cocktails (try the Bonaventure: Rittenhouse rye, Root liqueur, sweet vermouth, bitters) served up by bartendresses in bowlers, plus if you hit their Fbook you can grab a coupon good for a free appetizer, although it's only good for Saturday, so if you miss it, hey, that's life.