Because The Chamberlain would just bow to The Germany's demands

Winston Churchill famously said that "courage is what it takes to stand up and speak", and he wasn't kidding -- at the time he said it, dude had had like 67 martinis. Giving you the chance to be both eloquent and slaked like Winnie, The Churchill.

Opening Friday from the dudes behind The Hudson, The Churchill's an old-timey gastrobistro decked out with stuff the Prime Minister has actually thrown up on! vintage-esque iron tabletops, antique mirrors, and, um, a photo booth, and doing a little bit of everything: breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, events, and DJs, though doing those generally just takes access to MDMA. Vittles're provided by the dude from Santa Barbara's lauded Square One, with brunch like Niman Ranch braised brisket hash, and pancetta breakfast pizza, while nighttime options include semolina spaghetti w/ clams, pork belly & chili broth; and whole roasted rock fish w/ house-cured olives, corno di toro peppers, and "Fat Uncle" almonds, which are good until they start publicly berating your aunt for dancing with skinnier dudes at your cousin's wedding. To wash down your fat uncle, they've got 20 craft beers, as well as the sake/ orange vodka/ honey/ peach bitters/ green tea "Churchill Tea"; the fire-roasted-pepper tequila/ cassis/ Xocolatl mole "Revolver", and the chamomile-rye/ honey syrup/ Dolin bianco "Clementine", which's just darling.

In case that wasn't enough, they've got DJs who aren't getting laid on MDMA spinning on weekends, a takeout window w/ coffee, sandwiches, and pizza by the slice, a slew of separate party spaces, and a late-night happy hour, or as The British Bulldog called it "the 60 minutes during which I tell relatively well-known women that they're ugly and still will be in the morning".