I take a bite. A big, gigantic, gross bite. I chew. Swallow. Take another bite. Holy shit, this isn't that bad. It's actually... kind of... good? The flavors of the mac and cheese mesh with the chicken fingers and mashed potatoes. The cheese from the pizza envelopes the outer shell of the tacos and chalupas. I look around the room. People are clapping. I think I see a single tear fall from a man holding a novelty American flag. I throw one fist up in the air, like Freddie Mercury hitting an impossibly high note and close the box.
I rode the train back to my office, Yum!onster in tow. When I walk through the door, I'm greeted by my coworkers. Their eyes are immediately directed towards the box. "Open it up!" they exclaim, wanting to bear witness to the savory sacrilege that hath been committed. I do. And they dig in.
"This is gross," says a colleague after taking two bites and promptly disposing of the rest.
I nod and reply that it's certainly not for everyone. Perhaps I created a monster after all. Something heinous that was never meant to see the light of day. Something people were never meant to understand or love. But maybe... just maybe I created something too delicious for this world. A dish decidedly ahead of its time... a pizza the average palate wasn't ready to comprehend.
Actually, it was kinda gross. And expensive. Excuse me, I need to go check my blood pressure.