Food & Drink

Look like Kenny Cooper in no time flat

Losing weight in Portland's robust restaurant scene can be particularly difficult, but it's not like you're going to stop standing in line for 45mins to get that bacon maple doughnut bar. For a top notch chef helping you ditch the wait to ditch the weight, get going with Farm to Fit.

Conceived by a husband and wife theatre duo who became frustrated with yo-yo dieting just to look good naked in the only scene that makes Hair worthwhile (true story), Farm combines PDX's ardent locavorism with a calorie-conscious home meal-delivery system devised by a much-lauded local chef to give you "more energy to pick up the ladies" (always remember to lift with your back). Sign up at Farm's site to get hooked up with five or seven days of eats per week, which comes out to three full meals daily, equaling your choice of 1200, 1600, or 2000 calories of never-frozen, local-farm-sourced dishes honed for health through a special nutritional analysis, and ready for downing after just over a minute in the microwave, which Warwick Davis calls “a really good surf”. Portion-controlled eats from the dude who ran the cult favorite Garden State cart might include Red Flannel hash with dry-aged Highland Oaks corned beef brisket; lunch jams like a cured lemon chicken sammy w/ ricotta and a bit of honey; and robust dinners like Tuscan beef stew with polenta and beef chuck simmered for two hours in red wine and spices, which they claim's "really simple but really tasty", also the reason Ray J f'd Kim Kardashian.

Farm also plans on hooking you up with snacks in the near future, and're even working on ways to healthy-up and localize low-brow comfort food that will take tons of weight off, if you use it to replace standing in the rain for an hour and a half to get chicken-fried steak for brunch.