Malarkey hits La Mesa

Completing a trilogy Peter Jackson would've done for only, like, $285 million dollars, Brian Malarkey (Searsucker, Burlap) just finished the weave on his third post-Top Chef spot, turning a former Ford showroom into a bi-level smoked meat joint with indoor and retractable roof-covered bars, a Big Game Hunter-friendly decor (faux taxidermy, a gun-laden chandelier, etc.), and nothing on the menu over an Andrew Jackson -- Peter would only agree to be on a $285 million dollar bill.

Lunch Time: Midday eats are largely comprised of non-digital handhelds like a fried oyster “Po' Boy” with coleslaw, dogs with stewed onions/ peppers, gamey wieners (elk & apple, lamb & fennel), and sides like “Whiskey Sour” pickles, BLT fries, or plain-old “Boring” fries, which Mitt Romney wants to order, even though his advisors keep telling him to get the BLT ones while wearing sunglasses and a not-broken-in leather jacket.

Supper Time: Dinner kicks off with shareables like shrimp 'n oxtail grits or chicken chicharrones with a pimiento cheese dip, before getting real with crawfish/ tomato/ corn 'gator andouille, stout-spiked venison osso buco with chipotle/ chocolate, or less edgily, their “Airline Chicken Breast” -- don't even think about it, Mitt!

Drinking Time: Taste bud lubrication's achieved with 32 vinos/ bubblies by the glass or bottle, a modest selection of drafts like Iron Fist's Renegade Blonde and Port's Wipeout IPA, and Snake Oil-created cocktails like “The Honeybadger” (Bulleit rye, lemon & honey syrup), or the gin/ watermelon/ serrano “Best Served Cold”, also Peter Jackson's strategy for releasing LOTR follow-up flicks.