Because this year's Super Bowl is just rubbing SD's face with QBs that either shunned our city or married Chrissy Russo-caliber chicks, take your mind off the pain by filling your stomach with beginner-level comestibles from SD's expert-level kitchen-minders. To wit:
Super Crabby Balls Tommy Fraioli, Sea Rocket Bistro Not just what happens when you refuse to use Gold Bond for several days, these sea-laden mac 'n cheesy beauties from Chad White's righthand man should be no problem to fry up, even if you're doing it while wearing really tight, uncomfortable jeans.
Get your hands on these balls
Patriotic Potato & Cheese Empanadas (with a Giant Chipotle Kick) Jeff Rossman, Terra American Bistro Subbing out the peas so you eat everything on your plate, the master of sustainability himself has come up with the perfect way to spice up your party, though don't actually kick a giant Chipotle unless you live mad close to 8th and University and own a very sturdy pair of boots.
They also double as pastry-paper-footballs! Get to baking right here.
Super Bowl Sangrita Punch Blind Tiger Cocktail Co Packing a stronger punch than that Sonya Blade one that releases a purplish-pink projectile from her hands, this concoction amps up the lame canned beer that tends to show up at Super Bowl parties with tequila, hot sauce, and mad fruit juices, which you'll mix up before hollering at your buddies to GET OVER HEREEEE.
Tequila is the main ingredient missing from beer, and this puppy'll prove it
Taste Test: How to Cool Down a Spicy Mouth