New advances in technology have made life significantly easier, especially now that robots do the sex. Now making awesome tech advances in something almost as awesome as sensual bang-machines, The Melt, opening tomorrow.
From the dude who invented the out-of-business-but-it-wasn't-his-fault Flip Cam, The Melt is a tech-savvy grilled cheese shoppe gourmet-ifying the bread 'n cheese staple while making the whole ordering process smart phone-friendly and line-free, unlike Charlie Sheen's exotic-dancing friends' asses. Here's how it works: you'll remotely place a food order from a smart phone and in exchange you'll get a QR code good at any Melt location (they're rather unambitiously planning to open only 500 of these in the next five years) -- once it's scanned your in-app credit card'll be charged and you'll pick up your grilled cheese in a little over a minute, thanks to a specialty Euro cooking contraption that combines a microwave oven and two burners, though if you're planning to launch a major drug organization in Baltimore, you might want to do without that last part. Order-ables are simple: you can get any of five Michael Mina-consulted melts, fancily aerated cups/bowls of soup, and combinations of the two like The Wild Thing (aged Gruyere on white wheat plus creamy wild mushroom), The Amsterdam (smoked Gouda on 8-grain plus spicy black bean), and a Fontina/provolone melt on garlic bread served with Italian sausage 'n pepper soup -- a duo called The Italian Job, although it's much crappier when Marky Mark makes it.
And just because, they'll also have nostalgic snack-ables like warm chocolate chip cookies and Cracker Jack, which is what you'll instruct your robot, Jack, to do while you lounge about, freed from the burdens of lady sex.