Being a shut-in has its advantages, like never needing to get dressed for dinner, or being able to paint your freakishly long fingernails in all manner of Hughes. To foster your shut-in lifestyle, get in touch with Whatchoo Need.
Started by two under-employed ladies after realizing they had cars, and people needed things, Whatchoo's a nearly no-limits delivery service with aggressively low big-tip-encouraging rates, bringing you just about anything that's not "illegal substances, guns, hazardous materials, body parts, or things on fire", so you're on own when the zombie apocalypse arrives. Things Whatchoo can get to your doorstep:
- A Ziploc bag of all-great white Shark Bites
- Those hilarious glasses with the nose and mustache attached
- Emergency late-night party provisions
- Grape Big League Chew
- A bowl of chicken soup
- An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle
- Gauze for when you shoot your eye out
- A LEGO Millennium Falcon
- That "I'm-sure-there's-nothing-wrong-with-it" off-white futon you saw in a parking lot
- That amazing pair of shoes you recently read about in a certain handsome email newsletter
- Cream for bed bug bites
- A Juice Tiger
Largely operating in the inner core of Portland (between downtown and 82nd Avenue), Whatchoo's happy to go farther with an advance arrangement, and also offers ride service should you need to get somewhere like the airport, as long as you're not planning on taking the Spruce Goose, which'd just be a Hughes mistake.