As the old saying goes, there's one thing that'll make you scream and us all scream: a horrifying army of rabid zombie bears. Wait, also ice cream? Oh damn, that's clever. For a new way to get your hands on some screamingly good scoops, check out Zsa's Gourmet Ice Cream
Founded by a Philly chick who honed her chops on an old hand-cranked ice cream machine she found in her parents' basement before forking over cash (with her now-massive arm) for a modern setup, Zsa is churning out a selection of gelato-thick ice creams with no preservatives or "stabilizers", so looks like you'll have to get your Valium the old fashioned way: by pretending to be a middle-aged rich woman. The business gets started by cooking a base of "milk, cream, and sometimes eggs", adding the flavor (fruits reduced to jam in their own sugars; spice-based notes simmered with the milk), then mixing everything in a machine that adds "little to no air", leaving a very confused Jordin Sparks wondering how she's supposed to breathe. Currently on rotation're chocolate truffle, vanilla, creme caramel, cinnamon, Earl Grey tea, and brown sugar, plus home-baked ice cream sandwiches; flavors're constantly being tested as they're thought up/requested, including caramelized strawberry, pumpkin gingersnap, and peach, which Nic Cage could eat for hours...oh wait, that's not Nic Cage? It's Travolta? OMG, what's going on? And what the hell are all these doves doing in here?!
While Zsa'll deliver if you make a large enough order, the standard ordering/receiving process is awesomely clandestine; hit 'em with your order via email and give it a week, then head out to snag it at an agreed-upon spot, usually a SEPTA stop, the other thing besides rabid zombie bears and delicious ice cream guaranteed to make everybody scream.