The proliferation of e-greeting cards has compromised their effectiveness, raising the bar on the effort it takes to delude people into thinking you actually put in some. Thickening your veil of caringness, PigSpigot.

With a catalog of user-designed cards available for free e-sharing, New York-based PS steps up the funk faking by offering to ship off your chosen greeting via snail mail for a nominal fee, providing the ultimate way for a "lazy guy to send something cool, funny and thoughtful...without ever having to leave his desk", though if you're any good at being lazy, you should be on your futon. Featuring the classic front/interior image split, designs are searchable via user ratings and broken down by 50 helpful categories, leading you to gems like a broken fortune cookie reading "you're gonna die" (Birthday); the cartoon-abetted "I'm sorry...that I kicked you in the balls" (Friendship Apologies); and, under Holidays, a cobweb-font "Halloween" with the doctor-approved follow-up "9 out of 10 pedophiles agree: Best. Holiday. Ever". For less specific amusement there's the Giggles category, which hosts a hypodermic needle with the statement "Flu shots are for p*ssies", a photo of a flyer for "PodCamp" advising "I'd rather get social online", and, for the helpfully perverse, a crudely drawn ")o(" with hand-scribbled instructions to "Kiss it (it's my a**hole)".

To put your insensitive sensitivity above reproach, take advantage of their partnership with t-shirtists and pair your card with the OG form of pretend caring: the gift certificate.