Cheating on your mate can wreak horrific blight on the world -- despondence radiates, ravaging entire communities, and trust (a non-renewable resource) plummets permanently. But now, there's a way to mitigate your net cheating impact without altering your lifestyle: CheatNeutral
British innovator CN's new program lets anyone become a more responsible philanderer by purchasing Offset Certificates, which go to fund cheat-counteracting "monogamy projects" -- or what used to be called "just giving up". CN recommends you first attempt to reduce your own cheating, but when you can't stop boning everything under 80, you can buy redemption and harmony for about $5 per certif. CN'll channel these funds to non-cheaters -- those who pledge to remain monogamous/celibate, or "just plain single people" (who can't cheat, because nobody loves them enough to care) -- and both you and your partner can start serially scamming on each other again, this time blissfully free of carving-knife attacks, because the certificates make it cool
If you're firmly entrenched as a non-cheater, or would be willing to accept small monetary payments to become one, sign up as a "project". Cash from Offset Certificates'll be distributed on a first-come, first-serve basis -- if you're chosen, just pray that CN quickly launches their next endeavor, LieNeutral.