The 10 Coolest Bulletproof Things You Can Buy Today

While bullet-resistant tech has been around for a while, unless you're a member of law enforcement, the military, or The Avengers, it may seem tough to get your hands on any.

Turns out that's not quite the case. From clothing to kayaks, there are plenty of bulletproof items you can buy right now. Check these out.

1. Bulletproof top coat

Price: $1,199.99
If we've learned anything from film noir, it's that every single person who has ever worn a classy, expensive top coat has been shot. It's a universal law. Thankfully, you can avoid the big sleep with this offering from Bullet Blocker, a wool/cashmere overcoat which boasts a Kevlar interior liner built to stop rounds as powerful as the .357 Magnum. It's best worn while drinking cheap whiskey and muttering something about a "double-crossing dame." 

2. Bulletproof briefcase

Price: $799
You never know when an office brainstorming session will devolve into brain-shattering violence. Be prepared with a faux briefcase that conceals a three-foot-long body armor blanket. Use it as a shield when that weird dude from accounting finally snaps. Saving everyone's ass during the meeting might finally land you that promotion you've been waiting on.  

3. Bulletproof pocket square

Price: $150
Surviving a shootout is cool. Surviving in style basically makes you James Bond. This pocket square, awesomely named The Damned, is made from military grade fibers designed to stop bullets. That said, your attacker needs some pretty specific aim to hit it, so please, don't test this product at home. Or elsewhere, for that matter.

4. Bulletproof flight jacket

Price: $849.99
Remember how cool Tom Cruise was in Top Gun? The only way to make Maverick more badass would be to make him bulletproof. Luckily for us, the folks at Bullet Blocker rose to the challenge, delivering this flight jacket whose Kevlar interior can withstand all types of ammunition, should you ever find yourself on a highway to the danger zone. (Sorry.)

5. Bulletproof gun safe (disguised as a couch)

Price: $9,000
We tend to assume that survivalists are all Unabomber types, living in shacks in the woods, scrawling manifestos, and growing hipster beards. Not everyone gearing up for the zombie apocalypse wants to live in squalor though. With the Couch Bunker Safe from Heracles Research Corporation, you can securely conceal your arsenal without screwing over your home's feng shui. Plus, knowing you're sitting on top of a stockpile of guns may be the sweetest way to make beer and football night even more manly.

6. Bulletproof gun safe (disguised as a bed)

Price: $5,470
Not sleeping on the couch and worried about midnight intruders? The Bedbunker has you covered. With capacity for up to 60 rifles, you can rest easy, knowing you've got everything you need to take out unwanted guests. Hell, you could pull a full-on Red Dawn from the comfort of your bedroom. Guard dogs not included.

7. Bulletproof cowboy vest

Price: $824.99
You may never find yourself in an Old West duel, staring down the barrel of some drunken dude who served you mediocre moonshine at the saloon (that's the plot of every Western, right?), but just in case, this bulletproof cowboy vest protects you from common handgun fire. He's not here to say otherwise, so we can only assume that John Wayne owned at least 10 of them.

8. Bulletproof backpack

Price: $359.99
The people at BulletBlocker know that not everyone in the world is a movie character. Some of us are simply working dudes, or students, resigned to an explosion-less life of trekking to and from our jobs or classes, carrying our daily necessities on our backs. But should your day suddenly turn into the next installment of Die Hard, the bulletproof backpack not only provides protection, but also features compartments to hide weaponry of your own. The coolest way to carry your homework since a Trapper-Keeper.

9. Bulletproof kayak

Price: $2,388
The ocean can be a dangerous place. When you've got sharks, pirates, and the Kraken to worry about, a sense of security is difficult to come by. The Clear Blue Hawaii Molokini might give you some peace of mind. Its transparent shell is made from the same material used to create bulletproof glass and fighter jet canopies. Your move, Poseidon.

10. Garrison Bespoke bulletproof suit

Price: $20,000
Elegant. Stylish. Bulletproof. Garrison Bespoke's suit lets you look your best, and live to tell the tale. While it may be out of your price range, for diplomats, politicians, and anyone else who needs to make a good impression without worrying about an assassination attempt, it's actually a practical idea. Actually, maybe it's cheap because a human life is worth more than $20,000. Made with nanotech that allows the entire suit to protect its wearer while remaining 50 percent lighter than Kevlar, it's pretty much something you wouldn't expect to see outside of a spy movie.

And we want it.

Joe Oliveto is a staff writer at Supercompressor. He assumes all of these were secretly invented by and for Batman. Follow him on Twitter.

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