Beach season is just around the river bend, which means it’s time to dust off your noodle and hit the shore. While most of us will be playing with the same worn-out frisbee or wading out to splash around like a sick seal, the rich kids of the world will be spilling caviar and popping bottles on yachts in private coves.
When you have more than a little money to blow, you shop in an entirely different catalog than us plebes are familiar with. So to pretend you’re part of that one percent for a bit, put down that SkyMall, grab a monocle, and check out this list of 10 of the most ridiculous rich kid water toys on the market right now.
1. Radinn Wakejet Cruise
I hear from active people that normal wakeboarding is a real workout, so for that reason I avoid it like syphilis...well that and the fact that I don’t have a boat, a board, friends to drive said boat, and I don’t know how to swim. The Radinn Wakejet Cruise is a wakeboard with a built-in jet propulsion engine and a wireless handheld controller. [See more]
2. Seabreacher Killer Whale Submarine
Das Boot kind of ruined the magic of submarines for me forever, but the idea of having a custom two-seater shaped like a killer whale or a shark is pretty damn cool. The watercraft features a 255 hp engine that allows the driver to hit 50 mph on the water’s surface, 25 mph underwater, and maybe even attempt to recreate that historically accurate Free Willy scene where the whale breaches in slow motion and ollies a boy.
Included in the $90,000 price tag are all the standard gauges and meters, vinyl seats, and an LCD screen connected to a camera in the dorsal fin, so you can watch a live-feed of just how awesome you are.
3. Quadski XL
Why would you buy an ATV and a jet ski when you can have the ultimate hybrid? As batshit crazy as the idea sounds, the Quadski XL looks like an amphibious toy that would make James Bond squeal with excitement. The Gibbs Sports website says that the machines are still only prototypes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a few are spotted buzzing around the Hamptons in the near future.
The WaterCar company produces land and water vehicles similar to the Quadski XL, but they take things to the next level. Out of the water, the car reaches 80 mph and resembles a small SUV. As demonstrated in the linked video, it seats four and effortlessly goes from the sand to the surf, where it can ride the waves at 44 mph for about 160 miles on a single tank. [See more]
5. Flying Hovercraft
Because gliding on a few inches of air over water, sand, mud, ice, snow, and grass isn’t enough, the folks over at Hammacher Schlemmer are offering a hovercraft with wings that can actually take flight. The craft doesn’t soar through the clouds, but it can maneuver above water surface at speeds up to 70 mph.
In case you weren’t able to decipher the clever name, the HotTug is half wood-fired tug boat, half hot tub, and 100 percent ridiculous. Beyond the fact that they both require a heat source, I have no idea how someone decided that this would be the perfect marriage of designs. The only thing that would make this perfect would be to add a hibachi grill right in the center.
7. The Barbecue Dining Boat
Speaking of a boat with a built-in grill, for twice the price of the HotTug, rich kids can float around the lake with up to nine of their friends while cooking on a 24-inch steel barbecue grill. Speed doesn’t really matter here, because there will be no rush to get anywhere.
Forget hoverboards, water jetpacks that let you dive in and out of the ocean like Aquaman are so much cooler. Judging by the footage of the boards in action, abs are required to pull off the crazy stunts and flips, but I won’t let that small detail kill the dream. [See more]
Finally, a surfboard for people who want the experience but don’t really want to do all the work. The board features lightweight carbon fiber and Kevlar so it’s durable and light, and the motor propels the rider up to 35 mph across the waves. You may not get respect from the surfing community at large, but everyone else will turn green with envy.
Hydrofoil technology on boats dates back to the early 1900s, but they have never looked as cool as they do on the Quadrofoil. The personal watercraft cruises at 25 mph, is 100 percent electric so it doesn't seep gas, features a silent motor so you can sneak up on fish, and has a hollow and unsinkable hull. So what if it costs the same as a semester at Harvard; it’s worth it. [See more]