Ah, youth. Their bright-eyed exuberance and optimism, their unwavering confidence. They're the future of humanity...and yet there's no shortage of ill-conceived toys that threaten to prematurely corrupt those innocent minds. With lots and lots of dicks.
Below are some of the most questionable items ever made in the name of entertainment, and while they may no longer be on the market, they'll provide amusement for years to come. Hide your kids.
The most recent of the recalls, Play-Doh’s Sweet Shoppe Cake Mountain Playset includes what can only be viewed as a highly vascular dick with wings. Ostensibly a frosting piping tool, it outraged enough parents that they sheepishly offered to replace the offending penis mold.
Come one, come all, and learn the basics of shaken baby syndrome. This doll is meant to be throttled around the neck to elicit a sound that vaguely resembles strangulation. Fun for all ages.
Baby’s First Baby
Babies having babies. What is this, Mississippi?
Russian Roulette, for kids! The adorable pink trigger on this gun will either shoot out a plastic bullet (losing), or not (winning). That’s about it. That’s the whole game: suicide.
Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 Vibrating Broomstick
Another item that scored a ticket on the recall train, this broomstick made realistic swooshing noises and vibrated. A long, phallic pole meant to be placed in between childrens’ legs that vibrated. Just gonna leave that one there.
Punisher Action Figure
The Punisher is clearly compensating.
Sometimes when you're focusing on the details of creating a maze, you lose sight of the big picture. In this instance, the big picture was a big swastika.
Two Finger Squirter Water Gun
Knew a girl like that in college once. Not ONE person in marketing caught this? Really? No one??
Wolverine Squeaking Hammer
Not totally sure what the bigger oversight was here: the placement of the valve, or the fact that you need to put your lips on it and blow to get this toy to work.
E.T. Finger Light
Spielberg, why ya gotta go making E.T. flesh-colored? Literally ANY other color would have kept this from looking like a long skinny dildo, and yet here we are.