The Python Belt Is The Only Snake You Should Let Near Your Balls

I'm not much of a things guy. I'm particular about my coffee, whiskey, and sex dolls, but that's kind of it. As far as belts go, I've never really given the means of holding one's pants up a second thought. That is, until I got my hands on the Tiger's Eye Python Belt by way of Roger Ximenez. To be perfectly blunt, this is the closest I've ever been to feeling sexually aroused from a belt. 

I don't anticipate making it through an entire review without expressing my admiration for this belt through a series of written grunts, but everyone has their foibles. Anyway, let's go!

Made from 100 percent python purchased from the finest tanneries in Italy and France, there are about 26 steps these guys follow to craft just one of these exotic belts.

Each belt is meticulously cut by hand in various widths and includes a solid brass palladium-plated buckle. While the top half is genuine python, the bottom layer is sourced from a calf for maximum strength.

There's a serious weight to the belt as it sits in your pant loops, and running your hands along it you legitimately feel the smooth body of a snake but with none of the terror.

Aside from the $349 python belt, Roger Ximenez also specializes in crafting belts made from alligator and the far-less-exotic suede. If you've never been a "belt guy," this is a really good time to start paying attention to the way you hold your pants up.

Jeremy Glass is a staff writer for Supercompressor and actually isn't even wearing pants right now. 

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