The Sneakiest Workout Ever

You’re killing yourself. 

Look at you, sitting there all day, staring into that brightly lit box, your muscles atrophying into nothing. Your blood is stagnant, your organs barely function, and your eyesight worsening by the day. And no, walking home for 15 minutes will not “cancel out” that fourth bag of animal crackers. What’s worse is you’re draining the economy, effectively burdening ME. God, you make me sick.

But wait, there’s a solution. See the Cubii, the elliptical for under your desk that allows you to workout while you sit on your bum all day without annoying co-workers.

Wireless, the contraption is “smart” (of course) so it tracks your workout and keeps a log of calories and distance. Standing desks are fine, but who are they kidding? It’s annoying to stand for six or seven hours. Plus, NO ONE stands up at work, so you look like a moron if you work in an open office, like we do. Just sit the hell down, okay? But now it won’t kill you.

It’s adjustable, portable at 24x15x10, and only weighs 25 pounds. It’s doubled its Kickstarter goal of $80,000, and now they're planning to equip the Cubii with phone-charging capabilities. So get one, use one, and all's forgiven.

Ryan Hatch is the deputy editor of Supercompressor. Sup?