9 Ugly Christmas Sweaters You Need This Season

If you're not equipped with at least one ugly holiday sweater to whip out this season, you're doing it wrong.

But worry not, here are a crop of nine wonderfully unseemly options guaranteed to raise the bar for everyone else at your party. From polyamorous reindeer and Street Fighter homages, to diabolical gingerbread men and fireplaces that actually flicker, there's something here for every (bad) taste.

Gingerbread Men

This one gets points for darkness. At first glance these guys look innocent enough, though closer inspection reveals that they're not simply playing around but gleefully "milk-boarding" one of their own. 

Christmas Hannukah

For the hybrids among us who celebrate Chrismukkah, this one's got you covered with a striped pattern that blends reindeer and Christmas trees with a menorah and the Star of David. Ain't nothing wrong with some boldly colored inclusiveness.

Crackling Fireplace

The only interactive one of the bunch, this option sports an interior smartphone pocket behind the hearth to showcase the free-to-download yule log loop app, which extinguishes and reignites with a simple tap of the screen.

Stegosaurus Santa

Santa does whatever the hell Santa wants to do, and if that means trading in the sleigh for a Stegosaurus, so be it.

Santa Claws

This one pairs nicely with the recently released Grumpy Cat Christmas movie that absolutely no one asked for.

Reindeer Threesome

Let's face it, reindeers have needs too. And Rudolph's, it would seem, are just a little more exciting.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Suit

Less sweater and more full-on outfit, these are reserved for the incredibly dedicated. Each mesmerizingly patterned option comes with a matching jacket, pants, and tie, because you're no rookie, and this is business, people.

Street Fighter

A touchingly badass homage to the heyday of 8-bit video gaming, this lovingly nerdy option features Street Fighter's Ryu and Ken in battle stance across the chest.

NFL Teams

Cashing in on the trend, the NFL Shop has unveiled their own line of hideous team-themed merch, including this Giants sweater. Don't worry though, they've made distinctly distasteful versions for every other team in the league, too!

Joe McGauley is a senior editor at Supercompressor. He discovered the greatest ugly Christmas sweater of all time a few years ago at a Goodwill in upstate New York.