5 Ways A Military-Grade Uzi Pen Will Save Your Life

Behold the Uzi Tactical Pens, used by the US Military, Secret Service, and Special Forces. 

Upon discovering these pens, it was clear we had to hear from an expert. So we tapped the intel of 26-year old Alex Reback, a former soldier living in New York City, to shed some light on the pen's applicability. Reback served in the 13th Battalion of the Israel Defense Force’s Golani Infantry Brigade for a year and a half, where he carried out patrol and reconnaissance missions along the Israel-Lebanon border. Serving as the platoon's designated sharpshooter and having trained on an Uzi himself, we couldn't think of anyone better to discuss their line of tactical pens. So, Mr. Reback, what exactly can an Uzi pen do for you?

1. Use it to shank someone

So what kind of damage could this deliver? "The short answer is a lot," Reback said. "As I learned in Krav Maga training, eyes and throat are your best bet for inflicting maximum damage from close range. The sharp tip of this pen could absolutely puncture the throat, at which point the target will likely bleed out and/or suffocate within a couple of minutes."

The pens are made of lightweight, aircraft aluminum. They're heavier than the average writing utensil, but you won't be complaining about heft when it's sending your attacker running in the other direction. According to Reback, its biggest advantage is discretion. That makes sense. Who expects someone to whip out a pen and stab them?

2. Smash through glass

The tip of the newest Uzi tac pen boasts a glass breaker that's safe to the touch, but when applied with force, can shatter a window in seconds. This, then, allows you to escape from an impacted vehicle. A glass breaker for your car was the Christmas stocking stuffer favorite of mothers everywhere, but now yours comes in a badass matte finish with a whole host of other capabilities. 

3. It goes where no pen has gone before

First and foremost, this is still a pen. Compatible with Standard and Fisher Space Pen Refills, the Uzi knows you need a writing implement that can perform under pressure. Unlike many ballpoint pens, this one can write upside-down and underwater.

4. Make a quick escape

Inside the barrel of an Uzi tac pen is a concealed hand cuff key. Screw off the top and you'll have access to this aluminum key mold that can activate the release of many standard hand cuffs. Your move, No. 2 pencil.

5. Rip 'em to shreds

See that jagged crown at the top of the Uzi Defender? That's called a "DNA Catcher." When unsheathed from its safety cap, those perforated teeth are designed to literally rip shreds of flesh out of your assailant. In a horrifying marriage of CSI and Oz, that spiky plate collects skin/blood/etc. that you can use to identify the thug who thought he stood a chance against you and your pen.

But make sure you choose your target wisely. Reback cautions: "Stabbing somebody anywhere below the neck would be tantamount to a pin prick compared with the damage one could afflict from the neck up."

Hear that? If you're in real trouble, go for the neck and head.

At just $20 a pop, an Uzi tactical pen might not be a bad investment to make this year. But if you don't have some preliminary knowledge of the body's weak points, Reback advises using pepper spray instead. For law enforcement, Reback thinks every cop should be packing pens. 

"At that price it should absolutely be standard issue for police officers who are usually pretty vulnerable...while writing up a ticket directly in front of someone."

Ali Drucker is the editorial assistant for Supercompressor. Can't we all just get along? Follow her on Twitter at @ali_drucker.