Unless you're talking about crystal-coated chopsticks, a tricked out Mercedes, or diamond-covered pacifiers. In that case, bring on the gold, the platinum, the sapphires. Get a taste of how the other half lives with these 10 ludicrously luxurious items that all beg just one question...
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1.Diamond-Tipped Shoelaces - $2,000 This makes perfect sense: decorate the absolute lowest point of your body that spends half the day dragging through street-grime with black diamonds, for the price of roughly four iPads.
2.Casa Gi Earhphones - Price available upon request This Belgium jewelry company designed a similar pair that sold for $5,287, making them among the most expensive earbuds available. These definitely won't be a shiny target for thieves on public transit when they're inevitably hanging out of your backpack.
3. Hang Fung Solid Gold John - $5,000,000 This gives a brand-new meaning to flushing your cash down the toilet. But even if you could somehow rationalize a reason to buy this, you wouldn't be able to. Created by Hang Fung Gold Technologies Group in 2001, the porcelain (or in this case, solid gold) throne sits in their showroom in Hong Kong.
4.Sapphire 14k Gold Toothpick - $195 While not the priciest item on this list, it may be among the more absurd. This is literally a device to dislodge chewed up food fragments from your teeth. Do you really need solid gold and brown sapphires to accomplish that? You'll never be able to get that last piece of lettuce, anyway.
5.La Jeune Tulipe Diamond Dog Collar - $135,000 The price of a small home gets you a collar dripping in diamonds. You know, for the animal who spends most of his time rolling in dirt and licking his crotch.
6.Crystal Covered Mercedes-Benz SL600 - $1,000,000 Meanwhile, in Japan, a perfectly good Mercedes has been transformed into a glorified disco ball. Over 300,000 Swarovski crystals have been glued to body of the car to give it that seizure-inducing sparkle. And while this one is believed to have sold to a bidder from Dubai, you can contact the company about custom upgrades for your whip.
7.Ambiray Chopsticks - $140 Swarokvski, known for both high quality and pushing the boundaries of good taste, proudly offer up a pair of stainless steel chopsticks with crystal-studded edges, complete with blinged out "chopstick rests" as well, in case they get tired of being the least-used piece of cutlery in your home.
8. Diamond Pacifier - $17,000 For a cool $17K, stuff this 18-karat white gold, diamond-slathered pacifier in your baby's face. Because tiny, potentially-lethal stones that could easily fall off pose absolutely no choking hazard to your child whatsoever. None.
9.Little Platinum Eternity Vibrator - $3,500 Only the finest when it comes to a woman's lady parts. This pure platinum sex toy features 28 diamonds (which, unlike orgasms, are forever), is completely waterproof, and comes with a three year warranty. It may just be the only bargain on this list.
10.The World's Most Expensive Computer Mouse - $26,050.57 Eighteen-karat white gold and 58 diamonds make this the priciest mouse around. The seller even offers customizable patterns in which to arrange the stones, should you be feeling creative. Get clicking, guys.
Ali Drucker is a staff writer for Supercompressor. She'll take two of the Mercedes, and one vibrator, please. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.