Whether this will be your first roast, or you just want to step up your game on your game (sorry) these should set you on your way to dominating Thanksgiving dinner. Dealing with your sauced mother-in-law, however, is still all on you.
Caravari Bonded Leather Apron - $159.95
To be a boss in the kitchen you've gotta look like one. Suit up with this rugged leather number from Caravari, which is handcrafted to be ultra durable. It also comes with optional personalized branding, which should be mandatory. [More aprons...]
Calphalon AccuCore 16-inch Roaster with Rack - $200
Unless you're getting a hormone-infested monster, this stainless steel roasting pan will do the trick as it can handle up to a 25-pounder. It's made from five individual metal layers with a responsive copper core that heats and cools evenly.
Tovolo Dripless Bulb Baster - $20
Proper basting can be the difference between a good bird and a perfect bird, which is why you should opt for this Excalibur of liquid-suckers. It's angled for minimal drippage, and comes with three tips: a flat one for suctioning shallow pan juices, a brush, and your standard baster nozzle. And it's even designed to rest upright on the countertop without leaking.
Williams-Sonoma Smart Thermometer - $200
Don't let your hosting or cooking duties pull you away from nostalgia-sharing and other boozy ramblings. Instead, let the turkey tell you when it's finished with this tech'd-out leave-in thermometer, which keeps you posted on an array of cooking details—when its reached ideal doneness, pop-up alerts for related tasks based on its remaining cook time, etc.—via an iOS app.
Cutty Sark Prohibition Edition - $29.99
Turkey-carving comfort begins with a glass of Cutty Sark's masterfully blended Scotch. This smoky, robust spirit is the perfect companion to an afternoon in the kitchen. What, you thought you were going to do this sober?
Cocktail Kingdom Blue Blazer Mugs - $74.95
Whether filled with a hot toddy or a nice pour of that Cutty Sark, you'll feel properly sophisticated sipping from one of these silver-plated stainless steel guys. And at nearly one pound apiece, they're practical, too—solid enough to stand up to any accidental knocking as you whip around the kitchen.
Basement Bitters "Bitter Frost" - $20
Looking to spice up that cut of whiskey? Add a few dashes of these, a unique crisp weather-friendly blend of aged rye, sarsaparilla, and fourteen other herbs and spices from the same guys behind Hudson Whiskeys. [More...]
Finish Like A Champ:
Black Walnut Trencher Board - $89
Still standing? Time to take it home. This carving board from Kaufmann Mercantile has a special sloped design to keep things relatively mess-free as you get to slicing.
Joseph Josephuo Carve - $30
No need to fish through your knife drawer for the matching carving set because this one—eight-inch Japanese stainless steel blade, 7.5-inch fork prongs—is equipped with magnets in its handles to ensure both pieces remain firmly together beneath a single sheath when stashed.
Cuisinart Electric Knife - $49.99
Need an option with a little more horsepower? For bigger birds, upgrade to this electric beast with stainless steel blades and an ergonomically designed handle.
And If Sh*t Hits The Fan:
Waring Pro Rotisserie Turkey Fryer/Steamer - $249
Okay, so you had too much of that whiskey, everyone's been there. Freaking out? Running, like, a day behind schedule? Just plain lazy? No worries, because this baby can turn out a perfectly cooked 18-pound bird in just over an hour like magic, with little to no effort on your part.
Joe McGauley is a senior editor and resident turkey carver at Supercompressor.
Ali Drucker is a staff writer at Supercompressor. The idea of putting her hand up a dead turkey's ass is just unsettling, no matter how you slice it. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.