Navy - $129
With belt loops, buttons, and a fly, these solid-color shorts are available not in a range of sizes, but in a definitive "30" or "32." Finally you can get away with wearing your bathing suit casually around — at least if you're Sean Connery, who occasionally rocked his trunks with a belt.
Ethan Wolff-Mann is an editor at Supercompressor. He is not a strong swimmer. Follow him on Twitter @ewolffmann.