I Wore a Mask of My Face...On My Face
By route of England's premier peddlers of weirdness, Firebox, I recently got turned onto Freak Masks—masks that can be made in the likeness of whomever you choose. Made from durable lycra fabric with the eyes cut out, you can finally live out your childhood dream of wearing your face on your own face. While the site suggests makings masks out of celebs like Miley Cyrus, Michael Jackson, or Mike Tyson, we all know that in the end, narcissism trumps all. So, naturally, I made a mask out of my face.
It's pretty easy to get your dome on one of these bad boys—all I had to do was send in a clear picture of my noggin. The production process is called dye sublimation, which involves a heat press and is essentially made the same way patterned fabrics are produced. Each horrifying mask is then machine-stitched under one roof in England.
Needless to say, the end product is absolutely creepy as hell and kinda reminiscent of the dude from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. One size fits all, and each mask retains its integrity for over 100 washes...not that I'd ever want my parents to stumble upon my disembodied face spinning around in the dryer—that's nightmare material.
Naturally, I wore mine around the office for a while and scared the bejesus out of most of my co-workers. The only downside I can think is if I ever decide to rob a bank while using it, I don't expect to fly through town unrecognized once I've tossed it aside.
Is this mask worth it? Your call. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it can buy my happy face. So, in many ways, yes... totally worth it.