What We Would Have Written About In 1995

"You can't roll a joint on a digital download." - Anonymous

The biggest thing that happened in 1995 went pretty unnoticed: the Internet went private. No longer supported by the government, the unmoored Internet drifted away into the spectacular website you're reading now. Some other stuff happened too. Seinfeld was in full swing. Time called a Newt "Man of the Year," and eBay was invented.

Here's how we would have covered 1995. 

Why Agassi Should Have Kept His Mullet

Lose the hair, lose the championships.

Now You Can Watch the X-Games on TV

ESPN got on board to broadcast all that huckin'. 'Cept they called it the "eXtreme Games" back then.

Can You Still Eat Bacon After Babe?

Sorry for bringing it up again.

15 People Who Definitely Need Cell Phones


What You Need to Know About the New Bond

He's Irish and he used to "be" Remington Steele.

Your Future Bike is Here

The future went back to the past, however.

99 Vehicles Faster than a White Bronco

ABC's new show doesn't stand a chance. 

Instagram Caption: Sex files.

You Can Now Date Adult Humans...On The Internet

Also, what is the Internet.

Instagram Caption: Monday Commute.

Instagram Caption: Goodbye, dear friend.

Why You Should Get a MiniDisc Player

We would have been wrong.

Instagram Caption: Prom King. Prom Queen.

Apple's Computers Just Got Sexier

Yeah, a faster computer is a sexier computer. And besides, it's all relative. Do you remember the older ones?

Gratuitous Car Porn: Ferrari Testarossa


You Can Now Buy Stuff at Auctions Online


Soundtrack: "This is How We Do It"

Montel FTW.

Ethan Wolff-Mann is an editor at Supercompressor. He is still undecided on time travel.