Foodzie

Browsing local artisanal food marts can unearth magnificent comestible pleasures previously hidden to your tastebuds...and also expose you as being a complete chick. Indulge your inner gourmand without getting spotted vetting Hawaiian honey varieties, with Foodzie

Just launched, 'Zie sources/hawks edibles from 25+ crazy-quality, local-legend-type producers -- geographically disparate morsels that would otherwise never cross your lips and slide helplessly towards your Sarlacc. Man-leaning provisions range from a Caribbean Spice/Chipotle Garlic/Cayenne Habanero award-winning hot sauce three-pack from Venice, CA, to Colorado Springs-born 100% grass-fed bison jerky, to a handful of BBQ sauces from San Diego's renowned pit boss Smokin' Joe Jones, who, judging by his dapper all-white suit-n-hat outfit, is a man of many napkins. If you're abnormally thoughtful, exotic bites for your lady include small-batch handmade granola, dark-chocolate-covered Brazilian honey cakes from San Fran, six flavors of Glee Gum made from Central American-rainforest-sourced chicle, and handmade single malt scotch-infused caramels, the perfect treat for the girlfriend who's actually you

Foodzie's constantly adding new producers, and if they don't stock what you crave, you can recommend products for them to carry, but, wait a minute -- where the hell did you hear about Persian lime-infused oil in the first place? Well, speak up, girl!