You've got deodorant for your pits, aftershave for your face, and Febreze to cover up your unlaundered shirt stank, but none of that really matters, because your nuts stink. Well not anymore, thanks to Fresh Balls
From a dude named Frank whose own crotch-dampness compelled him to develop a product that addresses the under-the-belt epidemic plaguing men everywhere, Balls is a unique cream formulated to prevent dewy outbreaks and the resulting funk, which occasionally causes people to want to tear the roof off the mothersucking room you're in. Designed by a team of chemists, the nut-specific antiperspirant is made from a secret concoction of special moisture-averting ingredients, plus oatmeal and tea tree oil to prevent irritation, and it's also nicely free of aluminum, talc, and most importantly, paraben, which apparently exists, and isn't great for your scrot. The brains behind this brains-cream recommend application after showering, and since it's not like typical deodorant, they promise it won't clump on your skin or leave a powdery residue on your pants, but if it somehow does, you can easily explain to people that that white stain's just your ball-specific deodorizer, so chill out
But wait, there's more: there's even a funny video of Frank giving a ball-sweat pep talk on the website, although none of that really matters, because your shirt stinks, man.