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Pimp out your pad like nobody else

It's important for your home to express your individual taste, but how can you do that if your Ikea wall system doesn't even come in teal? For a shop with home goods that'll make your pad stand out, there's Funkemotions.An off-season project from a guy who races cars in the Indy Light series, newly opened Funk's a gallery-like shop in Wynwood filled with clever/wise-ass stuff to make your home and life every bit as interesting as you tell people you are. Crib-oriented stuff includes a mirror that's pretty standard until an LCD screen scrolls messages across the bottom (which you can program via your computer), a little night light that says "Sex in Progress", ice molds in the shape of skull & crossbones, dinosaurs, and Space Invaders, a calendar where each day's a pop-able piece of bubble wrap, and a stainless steel chef's knife splattered with fired-on blood stains complete with attached evidence tag, a la CSI (note: remember to put sunglasses on after intoning "There's semen in this cutlet. WAAAAAAGH!"). Other notably cool stuff includes striped wrapping paper that reveals lingerie models on the flip side when you rip it open, birthday candles that look like joints, big gauge-like Tsovet watches, and throwback aviator shades from Initium, as well as high-minded literature like The Big Book Of Legs, and The Big Book Of Breasts -- there'll be a pop quiz later, so you'd better have a photographic mammary.There's pet stuff, like a fetch ball that makes it look like your pooch has a handlebar mustache, plus girlfriend gifts like a glammed-out 80s retro purse with little boom box speakers on the side that plug into her MP3 player, and a "Why I Must Have Sex With You" notepad with check-boxes like "I have low standards", "someone dared me", and "I'm bored" -- when still she says no, you can always cry yourself to sleep on your puce Tölörg.