Rather than a heartfelt note, it's always more fun to mark joyous/saddening occasions with a snarky message that cuts the recipient to the core -- but how to crush them in a classy way? By taking the E out of your burning greetings, with Hard Cards. Launched late last year by the most natural of duos, a Warner exec and a college professor, Hard Cards boast misleadingly earnest wishes on their fronts followed by cutting, anti-sentimental statements inside on simply designed, 100% recycled soy-ink-printed card stock -- so you'll feel good about helping the world while making others feel like the complete freaking losers they are. Occasion options run the gamut from birthdays to weddings, including these outside/inside highlights: Sympathy: "I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now/but if you'd quit making s#itty decisions this wouldn't happen." Holiday: "Happy Holidays/In lieu of a present, I donated money in your name to an orphanage in Guatemala. I bet you're upset, but you can't really say that because then you'd be a jerk who hated orphanages." Romance: "You're so hot/I rarely imagine you're someone else when we have sex." Hard's constantly adding new cards, and're talking about expanding to email greetings sometime in the future -- for when you've surrendered all pretensions of classiness, and sure as hell aren't buying a stamp.