All right, already, Portland gets some float tanks

Joe Rogan can convince people to do anything: pummel each other bloody in The Octagon, eat handfuls of cod semen, and even watch him perform comedy. Now he's convinced some guys to float naked in a pitch-black box -- and you can too, at Float On.

A partnership from a group of psychonautic entrepreneurs -- one inspired by a Rogan YouTube vid promoting floating's relaxing/hallucinatory powers -- Modestly named Float On's a surprisingly not-new-age-y spa providing total sensory deprivation and gravitational freedom, like back in the womb, except your dad won't be constantly knocking on the door. How it goes down: after paying up-front so's not to mess with post-floatal glow, floaters (there must be a better term) are directed to one of four tanks (two Ocean Rooms that allow for standing; one self-designed, hand-built job; one standard space capsule-esque number), each filled with 10" of water and 300lbs of Epsom salt to provide complete buoyancy for 90min sessions of nude isolation...oh, wait, is that Michael Steele waving a $2000 check? According to Float's extensive research (check out Clinical and Experimental Restricted Environmental Stimulation on their bookshelf), during this time dopamine and endorphin levels rise while the stress hormone cortisol decreases due to having nothing to fight/flee from; other reported effects include Rogan-esque visions, elevated healing/creativity, spinal decompression, lower golf strokes, and increased free-throw percentage, which is why you never fouled William Hurt when he played for Altered Michigan State.

Furthering an experiment to see how artists react to the therapy, Float offers free sessions in exchange for work inspired by the experience -- but not by the Joe Rogan Experience, because that's too self-consciously postcodsperm. Photo by Chris Ho