He prescribed me antidepressants, but even as I started them, I was worried that the side effects might be worse than the mood swings. I'd been warned by so many people that taking pills would turn me into a "zombie," but the thing that most worried me was the lowering of my libido. I wasn't just worried about sex, although that's one way to bolster a wounded ego; I was more concerned with being unable to get close to anybody. I didn't want to have to say, "Sorry, I can't get it up, I'm mentally ill." Seemed like a deal-breaker to me.
Turns out, I was way off about the side effects, but I was so paranoid about that stuff that I stopped taking the meds after only a few months -- not nearly long enough to monitor their effects.
It turns out that not taking your meds is common for people with mental illness, even those who have been taking meds regularly for years. When you hit a rough patch and start feeling like your old, miserable self again, you start to wonder if the meds are doing anything at all. Some people stop taking them cold turkey. That's what I did, which was dumb. But it makes sense, because in 2008 I was still very ignorant about mental illness.