Step 6: Know thyself (and don't smoke cigarettes)
The final culprits in the hangover game are an elusive bunch. Factors like age, sex, race, and family history have all been studied, but strong correlations have yet to be found. So a 59-year-old heavy-drinking Taiwanese woman, your hangover will probably be much different than that of a 22-year-old Canadian guy who rarely drinks.
At the same time, modern research has uncovered one surprising hangover connection. According to a recent study, smoking cigarettes while drinking might intensify hangover symptoms. Some would attribute this to nicotine’s own cytokine interference (remember those?), while others suggest people addicted to cigarettes might also be more likely to drink more. Either way, if you "only smoke when you drink," you’re gonna feel way worse in the AM.
Step 7: Be patient
If hangovers were simple, a quick fix would’ve been figured out centuries ago. Since research has only thrown more variables into the hangover equation, it makes sense that bull penis is just as appealing -- and works just as well -- as a bacon, egg & cheese bagel. Scientists are learning more and more about hangovers, but until every piece of the puzzle is solved, only two remedies are 100% effective at curing hangovers: drinking less and time.
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Nicholas Knock is a freelance writer for Thrillist who needs to call his mom. You can follow him on Twitter: @nickaknock.