"Better close your eyes then," she said.
So far, not so great. But then one morning I got up the balls to call my supermarket about their product selection. I waited until 11am because I thought 10 was too early for complaints. Then I had a mimosa.
"Excuse me," I said, "May I please speak to a manager?"
I detected a note of irritation. "I'm the manager. You can talk to me."
"Oh, um, well I go there a lot, and you guys don't have any chipotle mayo, which seems to be a bit of an oversight because a lot of people really like chipotle mayo."
"So I think you should sell chipotle mayo."
"Oh, sure, I can order chipotle mayo. Any particular brand?"
I was flabbergasted. So I did it again. I emailed GT's Kombucha to complain about the grittiness of the lavender flavor. And though that particular flavor is especially gritty, it was an absurd gripe -- show me a kombucha that doesn't have stuff floating in it and I'll show you a Snapple. As you'd expect, the first response was a dud. "We're happy to confirm that the 'floaties' (otherwise known as SCOBY) are edible," it said. There was a smiley face. It was clearly meant to scare off the less persistent. I responded that the lavender was even grainier than usual. I whined and cajoled. I invoked a comparison to poorly dissolved Kool-Aid. And then GT's offered me a voucher for a free kombucha.