Smearing Burt's Bees on your eyelids will only lead to swelling, pink eye-like symptoms, and absolutely zero euphoria. Save that bad boy for your gross chapped lips.
Smoking bed bugs
This was a hoax that gave a lot of people the heebie-jeebies, alleging that teens were getting cheap, dirty highs from smoking crushed-up bed bugs. The viral news report about this was actually an April Fools' prank, cut with footage from a report about another schoolyard drug scare involving huffing butane-extracted hash. Some poor guy's interview was falsely snipped into the bed bugs vid, and he confirmed it on YouTube.
Those tiny critters don't give off any hallucinogens, and to smoke 'em you'd have to catch them with tiny tweezers and what, save up how many for a spliff? Let's not forget teenagers are lazy.
Exactly as it sounds, this scare claimed that young ladies were soaking tampons in booze and inserting them into their vaginas to get wasted faster. But anyone with a vagina -- so basically half of the population -- will tell you that once one of those weird-looking cotton stoppers gets full of moisture, it's pretty hard to stick it up anywhere. One writer tried, and apparently it stings like the dickens, and not in a warm and fuzzy tequila-down-your-throat kind of way. Also, we're talking literally zero buzz to speak of. Don't do this.