Pokémon Go has been around for all of a week, but already it has cured America of obesity, inactivity, depression, and anxiety. Is there anything this viral app can't do?
Probably not! There's virtually zero chance that the health benefits of this app could be exaggerated, so to help you get the best health value out of Pokémon Go -- you might even say something like "turn your Pokémon gym into a REAL LIFE gym," or an equivalent turn of phrase -- here are some dope Pokémon health hacks you can start using today. Gotta clean and snatch 'em all, is what the kids say!
1. Click "settings" to change which Google account you access.
Proceed to your kitchen and make a salad, then eat it.
2. Find a gym that's at least 5km away.
Turn your phone off and run there, then run or walk back.
3. Use lures and incense to attract Pokémon.
Maybe cut back on the amount of processed meats you eat.
4. Meet up and chat with like-minded gamers.
If you struggle with social anxiety, consider seeking help from a trained professional.
5. Take your mind off your troubles by capturing during stressful times.
It used to be called avoidant behavior, but now it's augmented reality. Get with the times, dude.
6. Find friends who will capture on your behalf.
All of you should probably eliminate processed foods.
7. Think about what you're doing with your free time.
There may be an efficiency/productivity issue here.
8. Call your parents.
Having close family connections is key to good health late into life, and you'll have to finish up your game to use your phone for making a phone call.
9. Capture Pikachu.
This is just plain fun, and reminds you of being 11 years old again!
10. Repeat forever.
If Pokémon Go is helping more people get active and social, more power to it and them! It will certainly exist in that state forever, so America's public health issues have largely been solved. Nice work, everyone.
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