I'm going to work out for two hours every damn day
Again, all-or-nothing expectations will leave you feeling defeated, which may prevent you from working out at all. Instead of aiming for the Biggest Loser plan every day, combine a few REALISTIC strength-focused workouts with active rest. You'll actually see better results that way.
I'll go to the gym sometime tomorrow
The other side of the "I'll crush it every day" coin. Sure you will. Just like you'll clean your tub "sometime tomorrow," but that thing's been a petri dish capable of producing drug-resistant bacteria for three months now.
Find a time, pay for a class, make a plan with a friend, put it on your calendar, set your alarm, pack your gym getup. If you're not a morning person, don't fight it. Be honest about when you're going to fit in a workout. Your choices are basically before work, during your lunch hour, or after work. You could also be one of those late-night gym-goers, which could actually help with the whole not-going-out-and-sabotaging-your-diet-every-night thing. Can't say the same for your social life.