Bodega Hollywood

They say the key to success is location, location, location, but really, who trusts a stutterer? Opening up that all-important third location, Bodega Hollywood, on Monday

Bodega Hollywood's the first LA-proper home of the affordable wine-bar mini chain, which til now's been relegated to neighborhood-bar status on two opposite sides of the city (Pasadena and Santa Monica); fittingly, the new mid-city location's the biggest, w/ a gigantic fiber-optic light cloud dangling 20 feet overhead, and a massive teak bar w/ wood that morphs into the wine rack, like Mystique when hiding from the Beast (light). The format's the same as the other two locales: most glasses of wine're $9 and served in klutz-resistant tumblers rather than stemware, including 12 rotating whites/reds, while for non-winos, there's beer (Chimay Reserve Blue; Lindemans Framboise), sake, and fruity soju cocktails, like the lemonade-abetted "Bruce Lee", the white cranberry "White Tiger", and the watermelon "Gallagher," which is their biggest smash, despite being painfully unfunny. On the food side, everything's small plate-ish, including bruschetta & olive tapenade w/ toasted crostini, marinated sliced beets w/ walnuts and goat cheese, as well as paninis (smoked turkey, goat cheese, arugula, and pesto mayo), and pizzas, including pepperoni/mozzarella and brie w/ apple, which, unlike their phones, works no matter which way you hold it.

They've also got a daily $3-off-everything happy hour, as well as a Wed "Andrew Jackson Night", where it's $20 for a bottle, and the only location you'll have to worry about is the one you're telling to the cab driver.