Everyone wants art that'll speak to guests about who they really are, unless they're using it to spy on them through the eyeholes, in which case that'd sort of give it away. For a piece which'll less subtly convey everything about you, check out the custom portraiture of Emak Illustration.
Emak works out colorful, X-ray style "custom anatomy portraits" which showcase their subjects' hobbies and passions literally by displaying them as their organs, and is the side project of a roller derby demolition dame known as "Betty Raige" who's now based in Maryland but originally hails from Dunder Mifflin-infamous Scranton, PA -- ironic, as neither roller-skating nor art makes any paper. Immortalizing yourself is easy: send in a few pics, color preference, and a list of 15-20 of your favorite pastimes/ambitions/anything else you want included, and after signing off on a preview via email, you'll be returned a canvas portrait with the "different aspects of your life...arranged to resemble the anatomy and placement of the human cardiovascular or neurological systems" -- but what of the endocrine, Emak?! To provide examples of how yours might actually look (or, in case you want to hang portraits of people you don't know), her site's currently got designs like a sky blue dame with a stomach iPod hooked up to a slice of toast and coffee in her chest (apparently, she loves breakfast!), and an orange goatee'd dude with a football helmet-heart, a Nintendo controller...spleen?, and a Fender lodged in his neck, meaning the doctors better get that thing out, Strat!
If you're not into so literally exposing yourself, she'll also do a slightly more traditional portrait in "graphic-novel style", which may well be a perfect fit, given your clear desire to hide behind old paintings and Watchmen.