Technology's constantly making products smaller -- great for cell phones, bad for XL condoms, as those things are already so hard to squeeze into! Hey, where are you going? Scaling things down to unimaginable not-heights, Iain Sinclair.
The stalwart British innovators, who've been producing bleeding edge tiny-tech since the Sixties, have unleashed a quartet of gadgets each no bigger than a credit card, so when you whip them out, they're guaranteed to draw an unreasonable amount of interest. The new line kicks off with an update of the firm's ultra-thin rechargeable flashlight, now packing the industry's "highest power to weight ratio" thanks to two "hyperbright" LEDs; more impressive still's the "the world's thinnest full 1080p hi-def pocket camcorder", which doubles as the world's smallest 14 megapixel still camera, and's jammed with features like DSLR-type controls, image stabilization, haptic force feedback touch screen, and face recognition, important because between Hannibal and Mr. T, it's easy to forget who procured that crop duster. Augmented with a 5-megapixel still function, there's also a same-size/weight 1080p 3D version, so friends unfortunate enough to watch your holiday footage will have the added privilege of paying an extra 3 quid.
Rounding things out is a non-electronic offering: a surgical-blade safety knife that neatly stores in your wallet, leaving plenty of room for these now-even-tinier "extra large" condoms, plus stacks and stacks of cash. Hey, come back, check out this enormous wealth!