Deck the walls with sound

There is no power on Earth greater than the human voice, except possibly The Voice, so omnipotent it can make even that guy from Maroon Five turn his swivel chair around! That show is stupid! Giving you a chance to see that power: Bespoken Art.

Bespoken prints the audio waveforms of any sound clip onto canvas, specializing in the actual voices of their clients, the notion of an H-town entrepreneurial team with ties to San Antonio and Bryan (clearly they were looking for a way to make all that incomprehensible Fish Camp rah-rah even more incomprehensible). How it works: first choose your size (from 18"x24" to 36"x54") and wave/background colors (25 choices!), and either supply them with an audio file or record one over the phone; previously commissioned works include simple phrases like "love" and "carpe diem", inspirational numbers (what up, "John 3:16"), and multi-voice compositions, like five family members wishing their dad a happy 85th, fitting since he wouldn't actually be able to hear them. There's no stated limit to how long you prattle on, and you don't have to use your voice: one client had them visual-ize the entirety of Sam Hayes's "Southern Thang", opening up the possibility for you to make any wall a "Wonderwall".

To help you be a good dude, a portion of each sale goes towards Smile Train, a charity that performs cleft-repair surgery on children, so you'll no longer need to excuse your ignorance of the world's problems by saying "I was so high, I did not recognize!"