Presenting the most compellingly marketed piece of furniture ever: Portraitchair, aka, "your ass, in a chair". From a St. Mark's grad preparing to study architecture at Cornell, this high-concept stool (no pun intended, at least not this time) is designed specifically around the measurements of your posterior (and inseam), resulting in a totally custom finished product that angles your legs down 10-20deg to ease pelvic strain your back. Again bypassing a perfectly good pun, the process:
The Ass Mold: So he can know the exact shape of your rear, he'll send you a kit with medical-grade high-density foam that you'll sit on to make a perfect impression, thus mercifully putting an end to Frank Caliendo's career.
Resin Positive: In order to sculpt the actual seating surface of the chair outta ultra-dense birch-core plywood, he makes a resin inverse of your gluteus maximus, which hopefully isn't as fat as Russell Crowe's is these days.
Construction: Using the aforementioned plywood, aluminum, several cubic feet of cardboard (because it can absorb force, and allows for easy height customization based on your inseam), and ridiculous amounts of adhesive, the chair is put together to exacting standards by hand.
They're using Kickstarter to fund the chair-building: $500 gets you the chair (personally delivered w/in 20mi of Dallas); $250 "a full-scale resin replica of your ass" with your name imprinted on back; $50 a 1/7 scale version for a "mini-you or stuffed animal"; and for $1 or more the founder says he's "up for coffee, lunch, or even just hanging out" -- making him the most compellingly marketed piece of furniture designer, ever.