It’s time to ditch the Swisher Sweets (yes, even the blueberry cigarillos!) and pick up some Recon Cigars, a brand-new "avant-garde" line of Ecuador/ Nicaragua-imported, hand-rolled stogies conjured up by a retired US Marine, which're packaged in ammo casings, and completely covered in camo...wait, where the hell’d they go?!?! Whew, they’re actually still right here, as are these facts:
- Said camo is actually pieces of wrapper that’re meticulously hand-cut and placed one at a time, before the finished product gets stuck inside a brass-colored aluminum tube modeled after a 25mm anti-aircraft round, although most boxers don't stand a chance against even a prop plane for three minutes at a time.
- Being medium-bodied, they’re made to "meet the discerning tastes of aficionados as well as the entry- to mid-level smoker", even though most of those dudes working for Waterworld made Dennis Hopper seem like they've been around for a while.
- For now, you can grab toro-sizers individually, but they'll soon be dropping a 20-pack boxed-up in a scaled-down Marine ammo case slapped with a completely terrifying explosives warning logo.
- Recon’ll soon be releasing different sizes and blends that correlate with military rankings, presumably a homage to Bill Clinton’s love of combining cigars and Privates.
- They’ll soon be moving beyond camo, as also in the works is a cigar rolled in the signature red/white/blue barber pole motif, signifying the place Nick Swisher emerges from, looking anything but sweet.