Lacking the ability to play an instrument shouldn't exclude people from the joy of making music, as that's a job for slave-driving moms who make you play cello instead of drums. And then make your whole family relocate to Newport to move in with Alan. Buck mom, her stupid boyfriend, and the whole 8th grade recital/industrial complex by jamming on something easy and fun instead: Rare Beasts.
Allowing the novice to create sweet electronica by haphazardly messing with a couple knobs, these gizmos look like a cross between 8-bit gaming devices and steampunk torture ones, and are handcrafted by an Aussie tech who specializes in synthesizers, drum loopers, and similar "circuit bending", also an old person's gym routine that consists entirely of stretching. Battery-powered handhelds create digital sounds pumpable through any standard amp, headphone or receiver, with models including the Wicks Looper with one sound knob (adjusts frequency and noise) and one for tempo (plus a "write" button that burns a loop into memory), or the DinoAxe MiniSynth with a speed knob for controlling modulation and "wobble", which could also result from trying to compose on AbSynthe. For an even gnarlier, light-powered table-top that includes a built-in amp, there's the StrobeTronic Noise Lab, which is pretty much the sweetest name ever for a Digweed cover band, and functions by using the top controls to adjust the sensitivity of its LED receptors, which in turn generate sounds based upon how light interacts with them.
Should they not have the exact, weirdly computer-fonic ish you're looking for, don't worry: they're willing to make you a custom rig, and are constantly introducing new models, just like dad, even though you know it's just to make mom and Alan jealous.