Initially developed as a one-off project for Hooters, Boobzies are "voluptuous insulated beverage coolers" endowed with large, polyurethane-gel-filled breasts sporting a "life-like" feel, not that you'll have anything to compare 'em to after walking around a party with one. Covered by shirts emblazoned with tongue-in-cheek slogans, each of the "girls" comes with a backstory that's as well developed as their mammaries, so prepare to meet dazzling personalititties like: Mrs. Robinson Shirt: "Got MILF?" An "object of fantasy across many a schoolyard", this divorced mom loves cooking & shopping, and is "more apt to educate than be educated", though whether you want to listen to someone who's loaded with beer and wearing a "Got MILF" shirt is up to you. Tiffany Shirt: "Boobs Gone Wild" "Barely 21", Tiff loves drinking Jack, making YouTube videos, and is so single that she's been "in more laps than a napkin", which coincidentally you no longer need to wrap around your sweating bottle. Gabby Shirt: "Motorboat" Believing everything is "better when wetter", the Gabster's favorite food is oysters ("love 'em raw"), and though she's "single and adrift", she's "not afraid to tie the knot", which is nice, because again, you aren't going to attract many women holding a coozie with heaving friggin' breasts.
Because you've always wanted to get to second base with your beer