Shakespeare said that "God has given you one face, and you make yourself another", though to be fair, back then, it was kind of expected that you knew how to knit. Now, because you obviously don't, PillowMob does it for you.
Launched by a local tech vet and his Slovakia-based partner, the idea for PM was born when the former's brother-in-law gave creepily realistic plushie dolls of himself to guests at his wedding; inspired to make more custom pillows printed with people's faces/ pets/ whatever, they immediately set about automating the process, and presumably insisting everyone call them Dan The. Making yours is cake: first, upload a photo (they offer tips if you're having trouble choosing one); pick a shape (circular or oval); then crop it to fit; finally, there're options for the back of your pillow ranging from a zebra pattern, to a fuzzy yellow "fake cheese", which's is easy to spot when portrayed by an actor who isn't method, man. If you can't wait three weeks for a custom number,
you're somewhat impatient they've also got ready-made ones, including the Sexy Snarky, boasting a comically scowling redhead; an image of an unexpectedly friendly pit bull on Doggie Smile; and an oval on which a bearded man wears a s**t-eating grin called The Other Happiness, presumably also a Philip Roth short story about teenage masturbation.
Future plans call for additional pillow shapes (possibly even full-body offerings!), and an app that'll let you go from snapping embarrassing shots of your friends to memorializing them in pillow form with the push of a button on your smart phone, which, by now, has probably, like, already learned how to knit. GET WITH THE PROGRAM!