Three words: Alpha. As. F*ck. Yup, meals at the dinner table just got real with this $15,000 McDonnell F-4 Phantom II two-seat twinjet fighter ejection seat from Boeing.
Made by Martin-Baker Aircraft Co. Ltd., aviation wizards and undisputed leaders in ejection seat technology (because, that's a thing), this piece of machinery comes complete with everything you need to survive a trip down from 25,000 feet up in the air.
Seatbelt, grip handle, empty oxygen tank, and release button—the only thing that's missing is the pilot.
(Fun fact: every time you eject from a plane—and, uh, live—in a Martin-Baker Ejection Seat, you become part of the Ejection Tie Club. Club members are given a certificate, membership card, patch, tie, pin, and as many high-fives as physically possible.)
These seats have been professionally cleaned and refurbished, but are sold "as is" to dispute any claims that they purposefully forgot the empty oxygen mask.
Each seat is about five feet tall with a hand-finished steel base and takes up approximately enough room at your dinner table to make your next door neighbors extremely jealous. Who's laughing now, Eli? You smug son-of-a-b*tch—let's see your ejection seat! A final note: this thing is "not for flight," as Boeing describes.