You can get away with living the grimy college life for a few years after graduation, but once the big 3-0 rolls around it's time to get serious about ditching that duct tape-patched Papasan and beer bong. If you're confused about what exactly needs to be retired, no worries! We assembled the definitive list of items you're not allowed to have in your apartment after your 30th birthday.
Unless you want your neighbors to think you're running a meth lab, tear down those sheisty towels over the windows. A simple set of curtains and rods will set you back no more than $10 at a dollar store.
14. Sports shrines
If any room in your home is dedicated to "your team," it's time to look deep inside yourself and find what's really missing in your life.
15. Anything you've ever ordered from TV
How many chops does a Slap Chop chop if a Slap Chop sits unused in your cabinet?
Lava lamps, black lights, lamps that look like other things which are not lamps.
The futon is a prime example of a piece of furniture that has yet to come to terms with a crippling identity crisis. The same could be said for its owner.
31. Easily replaced broken items
There are zero reasons to keep that that sh*tty old busted mug in the cupboard. Zero. Same goes for any and all pieces of furniture held together with duct tape, or worse, electric tape. Have a little self-respect.
Joe McGauley is a senior editor at Supercompressor. He wrote this from the bean bag in his Red Sox-themed living room.