Whether you're still stuck at the kids table or forced to endure small talk with friends of friends of friends of your parents, going home for Thanksgiving can send you spiraling deep into childhood regression. But for a few days, ignore the late rent notices and actually enjoy traveling back in time to a simpler age—when forks were swords, all food was delivered via imaginary airplane, and meals were just way more fun.
Dig in. Kids.
This Chinese Festival Is Like 'Frozen' Come to Life
Wolf Meat Handler Forks - $13.95 Unleash your inner X-Man with these smoke and grilling claws, capable of withstanding temperatures up to 450 degrees, so your hands are shielded while you shred the perfect BBQ.
2. Wear a fork on your finger
Toucanpic - Price TBD Still in concept phase, this stainless steel finger extension is inspired by the shape and function of a toucan's bill. And who can argue with an excuse to simultaneously impale your food and eat with your hands?
Tic Tac Toe Drinking Shot Glass Set - $18.88 Here to make game night a littles less PG is this glass board and accompanying beer mug shot glasses. Drink when you get three in a row? Drink when you lose? Either way, everybody wins.
4. Mark your territory
DCI BBQ Branding Grilling Iron - $16.50 This branding iron comes with movable type so you can personalize your steak and forever put an end to your mooching friend's excuse of, "Oh, I didn't know that was yours."
Rolling Garlic Chopper - $30 You know what's not fun? Chopping garlic. You know what IS fun? Putting said garlic in what is essentially a Hot Wheels car for the kitchen and rolling it around to activate the blades inside.
6. Bring out the heavy artillery
Out Of The Woods Bread Saw - $22.67 Go HAM on that baguette with a bread saw, here to both evenly slice your carbs and channel your inner lumberjack.
7. Build a better meal
Cooking Blocks - $31 Regular, adult cooking tools are boring as sh*t. Liven up your cooking with LEGO-inspired utensils and spoons that actually attach to each other so you can make LEGO spatula buildings instead of whatever else you were supposed to be making. [More...]
8. Lock and load
The Condiment Gun - $25.09 Why would you ever add condiments straight from the bottle when you can shoot them out of a gun instead? This guy comes with two refillable cartridges that are dispensed when you squeeze the trigger. Ketchup duels strongly encouraged.
Dinner Digger Food Tool - $9 Now every meal can be a construction project, fulfilling your childhood career aspirations without all the manual labor.
10. Use the Force on your food
Star Wars Chop Sabers - $15.69 Available in both Luke and Darth Vader color schemes, light saber chopsticks will let you re-enact your favorite battle scenes over noodles and stir fry.
11. Use a weapon of nut destruction
Naomi Nutcracker - $25 Everyone loves a slinky, especially when it's obliterating the shells of nuts while simultaneously keeping walnut shrapnel from flying across the table.
12. Launch it from a bazooka
Sushi Bazooka - $31.39 Alright, while it won't actually catapult your California roll across the kitchen, this cannon-like device allows you to import all your desired sushi ingredients, close the chamber, and then press it out into one neatly packaged roll.
13. Suit up
Soft Boiled Egg Armor - $13.99 Your eggs may be soft, but you're not. Man up that meal and arm your morning protein with a suit worthy of King Arthur as it goes into breakfast battle. [More...]
Motorbike Pizza Cutter - $15.99 Motorcycles are expensive, but you can still get your dream wheels with a stainless steel blade-wielding pizza slicer. No more wondering what to get for the Hell's Angel who has everything.
Ali Drucker is a staff writer for Supercompressor. If you've got a bike she can ride on the back of, follow her on Twitter and Instagram.