You Can Own An Exact Replica Of The President's Desk For $8,000

For those who've always dreamt of holding the position of President of the United States, but have perhaps one too many incriminating photos floating around on Facebook of you chugging Fireball with Andy Dick and the dog from Frasier, your prayers have been answered.

Kind of. Purveyors of bygone goods, History Company, have released a fully-functional $7,995 replica of the American President's Resolute Desk and it's the closest you'll ever get to the real thing—unless you've got spunk, charisma, a famous dad, and over a million dollars in your checking account. 

This museum-quality boss-status replica sits at 72 inches in length, 31 inches high and was hand-crafted by expert carpenters who meticulously scrutinized the original drawings of the desk's designer, William Evenden. 

Weighing 500 pounds, this solid mahogany desk comes equipped with fully-functional drawers and cupboards—you know, for your super important POTUS documents—and comes garnished with a replica of the original brass plate inscribed with the message from Queen Victoria. No detail was overlooked in the construction of this beast.

The Resolute desk was a gift from Queen Victoria in 1880 to the less-than-memorable 19th President, Rutherford B. Hayes, and was built from the British Arctic Exploration ship, Resolute. It lived in a number of different rooms in the White House until 1961, when the more-than-memorable First Lady, Jackie Kennedy, brought the desk into the Oval Office.

It was only removed once, in 1963, after JFK's assassination, and still sits in the office today. 

It's a masterfully-crafted piece of furniture that calls for fancy stationery, snap decisions, important phone calls, and an emergency lever that will release two-thousand freedom-spreading bald eagles at the drop of a hat. 

Nearly $8,000 is a fair price to pay to put yourself in the position of such greats like Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter, and Bill "Slick Willy" Clinton. Hell, you can even go as far as to pretend you're Bill Pullman from Independence Day—or Bill Pullman from Sleepless in Seattle, or maybe even Bill Pullman from Mr. Wrong?

In any event, this desk deserves a person who's ready to commit to every aspect of holding the title of President of the United States, except for the actual election, salary, and um, power.

Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and ran for President once. Wait, that's a typo—ran from a President once.