During the 11 months of the year that tall creepily costumed man is stashed away, spare yourself the hardship of using a non-novelty nutcracker. Bring in one of these Star Wars TIE Fighter-shaped bad boys to get the job done right.
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The rig is roughly six inches wide and forged in high quality solid steel with a threaded bolt piercing a large central chamber, meaning your meaty shelled protein bombs don't stand a chance against the force... of twisting its wing.
Joe McGauley is a senior editor at Supercompressor. He doesn't crack nuts on account of a pesky allergy.